Roll Off

Others’ Emotions Don’t Stick

Relationships in any organization can be tricky.  Relationships can generally be based upon the type of organizational system. Organizations are often described as operating along a continuum between a family-style system (low structure) and a corporate-style system (high structure). A family-style organization tends to function with relational closeness, often deferring to longstanding precedents and the influence of charismatic leaders. These systems can become enmeshed, with blurred boundaries and a strong emphasis on loyalty and tradition. In contrast, corporate-style organizations operate with greater objectivity, defined roles, and formal decision-making structures.

However, either style can be susceptible to unhealthy leadership dynamics. Both can be dominated by self-serving, controlling hierarchies, or masked by humble, well intentioned, and/or passive leadership styles that subtly manipulate outcomes to maintain control. The external structure—whether family/relational or institutional—does not guarantee healthy leadership. It is the posture of the leaders and the culture of accountability that ultimately determine whether power is used ethically or abusively.

Christians can feel stuck at times, in either organizational system, either misunderstood, underutilized and/or ineffective.  So how does a Christ follower be motivated, content and/or fulfilled, in either environment that has its dysfunctions?  How can a Christ follower manage their personal wellness and be free to be who the Creator has made them to be?

Let’s consider three Christ-like strategies as options to these questions.  Note:  The “self” as described below is the “imago dei” (image of God), fully human yet made righteous through Jesus Christ, as an image bearer.

1. Be surrendered to God’s Word through His Spirit, listening and attuned to the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:6-16).

2. Be self-differentiated (balance of being independent and connected to others) within all relationships (outside of marriage).

3. Be self-defined, working and expressing your true self that may be different from others.  It’s okay to be your own self within any organization that may be different from the style of leaders and the organization itself.

These strategies grow out of a firm foundation in the identity we have in Jesus—essential for every image-bearer of God. When our sense of self is anchored in Christ, our identity and mindset become the stabilizing center of our well-being, even when anxious emotions swirl within us. In work and life settings filled with tension, dysfunction, and competing agendas, it is this Christ-centered grounding that guides our thoughts, shapes our responses, and sustains our hope. Without it, we are easily pulled into the same reactive patterns that perpetuate unhealthy systems. With it, we can walk in peace, act with discernment, and lead with integrity—regardless of the pressures around us.

For example, when the image bearer is approached by another with tense words (misunderstanding, confusion is swirling) or during a day of feeling defensive, it is especially challenging to remain grounded in the Lord. Christ-like responses can come from being aware of one’s humanity, while choosing to stay present (fully aware of their own emotions, attuned to the Spirit’s guidance, and committed to responding with wisdom rather than reacting impulsively).

Practically, this may look like:

1. Allowing another’s reactivity and intense words “roll off” your back by the grace/ability of God.  In other words, don’t automatically take their reactions personally.  Breathe first, relax your shoulders, then focus on listening while seeking clarity when needed, to understand what is the “bottom line” in the matter.

2. While asking the Lord for immediate involvement (Romans 8:26-27) in your response, words & nonverbal expressions, respond with calm, quiet words exuding respect yet self dignity.

3. Walk away emotionally surrendering to the Lord, asking the Holy Spirit for the ability to emotionally let go of your emotions in order to think with the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:6-16) and not go down paths of internal criticisms of yourself nor angry judgements about your supervisor.  Find value in your personal (interior) well being and God honoring responses that will stand against future internal criticisms and hurtful, defensive, reactive behaviors (Ephesians 4:27-29).

Detaching from another' negative emotions brings mental clarity, yet is primarily enabled by the power of God’s Spirit.  One may say, “Shouldn’t I have empathy or compassion for someone who is struggling like this?  “Yes”, seek to stay engaged and seek understanding, though be ready to “pause” the conversation or be cautious to seek another’s respect, understanding or support when the other person is not emotionally capable of doing so. When possible, seek the understanding and support from a trusted friend or family member as a part of recovering from difficult encounters.  Self (image bearer) care becomes a part of God’s healing process.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”  1 Peter 4:8